Lucky (hamartia) wrote,
Lucky
hamartia

worries of Sarah

I am a bit worried. My daughter is acting just like I did at her age. I am afraid she will do meaningless things that she will regret. She has met this guy, Chris. She is spending a lot of time with him, getting home late, so I am sure she is sexually involved with him. She won't admit it but I wouldn't either if I were her. It doesn't matter if she admits it. I wasn't born yesterday for goodness sakes.
She may not be having sex, but she may be doing things that she will regret, things that cheapen her. It is a bad place to be because once she come to her senses and realizes that yshe was giving away precious things that have value, to someone that really has no value and no future with her, yshe go through a period of loathing herself. I don't want that to happen to her. It is probably too late, tho.
This is all because of Henry. I'm not allowed to say these things to her but I can say them here. Sarah may not know it but she is trying to make him jealous, to prove to him that she has worth, to try to prove it to herself as well, but in the process, she is doing just the opposite. She is getting sexual experience to make herself seem more attractive to Henry. Oh, Lord, why do I have to stand here and see all of this?
She is giving away precious parts of herself to someone that may be a nice person but is really only someone that she is using. She will end up resenting him becauSe it isn't love that is causing her to act this way. Instead of building up a relationship by talking and going here and there together with other people, they are spending time alone with each other. She is just asking to be used and this guy is obliging. In the process, she is using him, and cheapening herself in the process.
No, I have no proof, but come on, she lies about when she comes home, she lies about just about everything now. It is all sure signs that she is on the dark side now. She is going against the way she was raised to be. She is going against her own moral code. She came home with beard burn from a guy that she only knew a day or two. How desperate is that? Why can't she see that she is harming herself?
I still get flashbacks from some of the things I did in my youth. I've never told anyone some of the things I did, and I never will, but I am not proud of a lot of it and it took years for me to heal and forgive myself for treating myself like that.
I know she has to grow up but I was a much stronger person than she is. I am so worried that when she realizes what she is doing she will fall apart if she hasn't already.
God, protect this child. Let her hear your voice and see that she is out of control. Let her see how You can be the balm that heals her of Henry. Lord, let her see how precious she is and that she does not need the love of Henry to be okay. Lord, let her see the truth about Henry, how horrible he is for her, how harmful he is, how he has chipped her down, chip by chip, and caused her to compromise her morals to try to become someone he would love. Help her to see that she will never be good enough for Henry because the truth is that he is just not in love with her the way she is with him, no matter what she does. Help her to see that love does not have to be that hard. Help her to see that when she finds Mr. Right, she won't have to lie to her mother because he would never ask her to do something compromising like that.
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