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07:14pm 28/12/2004
  So much in has happened in my life since this.  It's incredible, but I have to go, my son is crying.  

1 found beauty in the breakdownlet go

the list o'christ   
02:02am 02/12/2002
mood: sleepy
Sabbath Slippers
Follow The Leader - long-sleeve T
In Strange We Trust T
Beck - Sea Change
Girl on the Bridge VHS
Oopsy, I said the F-word. T shirt
Today I Feel Mad T
I forgot to Swim t
Smart T-shirt
Johnny Cash - American IV: The Man Comes Around
Hello Kitty
Baby Cinnamon
My Melody
My Little Twin Stars
Deery Lou
bubble bath
knitting studios gift certificate
Multiple Intelligences: The Theory in Practice
Pretty hair things, no clips, only pins, flowers or insects
The Medical Discoveries of Edward Bach, Physician
new watch

updated daily since 1975

10 found beauty in the breakdownlet go

"something sinister and grotesque going on right under my nose" "sir, your moustache is lovely!"   
12:31am 30/09/2002
mood: flirty
It's about time for a nice thick entry about being happy about business. What better way to do so then a list!

Nice things about Michael Montalbano:
  • he's ultra nice to me
  • he trusts me!
  • he likes to take me places and do things with me
  • he's not really fucked up in the head
  • I don't have to make myself up to please him
  • he likes a lot of cool bands; ben harper, coldplay, the beatles, ed zeppelin, white stripes, et cetera
  • he has broad shoulders
  • he has beautiful hands
  • he respects my privacy
  • he plays with me
  • he wants to hold my hand, have his arms around me
  • he knows how to cook, beyond following recipes
  • he LIKES ME
  • he's gentle
  • and kind
  • and sweet
  • he smells things and tells me what they smell like, without me ever asking him once!
  • "it's okay, I have all the time in the world"
  • he doesn't have a porno under his bed
  • he knows how to play one song on the guitar, sometimes
  • he's shy
  • he's snuggly
  • he hasn't shoved his hard-on into my thigh once!
  • for halloween he's going to dress up like me, and I'm going to dress-up like him
  • he can be the strong one
  • he's nice to his mother
  • he likes honey
  • he's not a russian boy
  • he wants to go to church with me
  • he wants to be a history teacher
  • he's little
  • he makes me feel nice
  • he says things like, "sugar cookies" instead of shit and he's working on "great caesars ghost"
  • his mom reared him on herb teas and things
  • #1? he's a faerie like me!!!!!!


    Blue Morpho butterfly (Morpho menelaus)

    This brilliant blue butterfly can be found in the rainforests of South America (Brazil & Guyana).

    Underside of wings.

    When the Morpho lands, it closes its wings tightly showing only their brown, camouflaged undersides so the bird that is looking for a blue butterfly can't see it.


    I stole that from here.

    I'm making him a sleepy dream pillow, it is nine greens on the front all swirly like a starlight mint. And another green color in the back which I will embroider some word on in latinCollapse )

    So on Friday night, I’d had enough of this game that people that shy people sometimes play. Which is Eli was asking me a lot of questions. Silly, silly questions. You know how a friend will help the other out, and get the information?
    So I went over to his house on Friday about an hour before I wanted to be at Franks Gamers night. He was still asleep so I said I would wake him up. As soon as I opened the door he woke up, he was all cute and sleepy. I sat on his floor and talked to him a little bit. He said I could sit on his bed, so I did. He was getting as close to me as he could. His step brotherCollapse ) Patrick was all chatty, what an odd bird is that one! He put a pillow on me and laid his head on my lap. We sort of moved into a position somehow, someway, I don't know. He kissed me!! It was so soft and sweet. I don't know what I did exactly. I asked him when was the last time he'd kissed a girl. I'm his first! He is so sweet and oh man I can't even write it. He was just smiling and blushing. He said, "This is nice." He just wants to be, just float around and make me happy and be happy in return. We were just laying in his bed with our arms around each other thoughtfully and his mom came in. She was kind of odd, she said something like, "Joe's coming home soon maybe you should go to the basement." He said she maybe thought we did something. He's the baby! He's her baby boy. I don't want her to think badly of me. So then we went to Franks thing. We'd spent about an hour talking to Patrick and laying there. He stayed all night long! At this boring, boring, boring "event." He basically followed me around and held my hand and put his arm around me all night. He helped put things back up afterward. Since the event was in a school, we took down dorky posters and stuff before hand. Then when he drove me home he parked and I was about to get out of the car and I said, "I'm going to kiss you goodnight." So I did. I put his hand on mrs. right-side, but he didn't keep it there. He puts his hands on my face and strokes my back. He’s very shy. Besides me asking if he is, he obviously is. Shyer then I. He needed to bring the receiver I had brought for Frank to use with the X Boxes. We went in, he saw my room, read all the words I have glued to everything. Kissed and loved a bit on the bed. My mom started screaming about us being in my room and blah, blah, blah. So we went downstairs outside to his car, walked back up into the garage to put it down kissed a lot more. He's so sweet the way he acts. Yesterday we went to the library, got a lot a couple books. He got two history books and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Which his other brother who lives in Maine recommended. I got a book called The Search for King Arthur after I finish reading it he wants it. I’ve been writing this entry all day. Tomorrow we are supposedly going to breakfast, before work. I’d better conclude this day long, l o n g entry.

    In other news: some significant work has been done in lines of room cleaning.

    let go

    01:22pm 21/09/2002
    mood: apathetic
    Of course Liz Phair said it best, "You can take me home, but I will never be your girl."

    let go

    07:45pm 06/08/2002
    mood: ditzy
    Good lord!! Samuel L. Jackson's daughter looks exactly like him. Fuck some one just called my cell using a calling card, and I was too slow to get to it. And you can't call those back. AUGH.

    I hope they call me back.

    let go

    but I will only, bring the rain   
    05:19pm 22/07/2002
    mood: cheerful
    Recent pictures:

    glowy viola



    funny sign

    let go

    worries of Sarah   
    07:15pm 03/07/2002
      I am a bit worried. My daughter is acting just like I did at her age. I am afraid she will do meaningless things that she will regret. She has met this guy, Chris. She is spending a lot of time with him, getting home late, so I am sure she is sexually involved with him. She won't admit it but I wouldn't either if I were her. It doesn't matter if she admits it. I wasn't born yesterday for goodness sakes.
    She may not be having sex, but she may be doing things that she will regret, things that cheapen her. It is a bad place to be because once she come to her senses and realizes that yshe was giving away precious things that have value, to someone that really has no value and no future with her, yshe go through a period of loathing herself. I don't want that to happen to her. It is probably too late, tho.
    This is all because of Henry. I'm not allowed to say these things to her but I can say them here. Sarah may not know it but she is trying to make him jealous, to prove to him that she has worth, to try to prove it to herself as well, but in the process, she is doing just the opposite. She is getting sexual experience to make herself seem more attractive to Henry. Oh, Lord, why do I have to stand here and see all of this?
    She is giving away precious parts of herself to someone that may be a nice person but is really only someone that she is using. She will end up resenting him becauSe it isn't love that is causing her to act this way. Instead of building up a relationship by talking and going here and there together with other people, they are spending time alone with each other. She is just asking to be used and this guy is obliging. In the process, she is using him, and cheapening herself in the process.
    No, I have no proof, but come on, she lies about when she comes home, she lies about just about everything now. It is all sure signs that she is on the dark side now. She is going against the way she was raised to be. She is going against her own moral code. She came home with beard burn from a guy that she only knew a day or two. How desperate is that? Why can't she see that she is harming herself?
    I still get flashbacks from some of the things I did in my youth. I've never told anyone some of the things I did, and I never will, but I am not proud of a lot of it and it took years for me to heal and forgive myself for treating myself like that.
    I know she has to grow up but I was a much stronger person than she is. I am so worried that when she realizes what she is doing she will fall apart if she hasn't already.
    God, protect this child. Let her hear your voice and see that she is out of control. Let her see how You can be the balm that heals her of Henry. Lord, let her see how precious she is and that she does not need the love of Henry to be okay. Lord, let her see the truth about Henry, how horrible he is for her, how harmful he is, how he has chipped her down, chip by chip, and caused her to compromise her morals to try to become someone he would love. Help her to see that she will never be good enough for Henry because the truth is that he is just not in love with her the way she is with him, no matter what she does. Help her to see that love does not have to be that hard. Help her to see that when she finds Mr. Right, she won't have to lie to her mother because he would never ask her to do something compromising like that.

    3 found beauty in the breakdownlet go

    12:58am 16/06/2002
    mood: excited
    Thanks to ValancyJane, I just found out that there is a Ladyfest in PA!

    let go

    12:00am 11/06/2002
      you shouldn't walk away  

    let go

    12:00am 09/06/2002
      food diary for a month
    base: veg drink, gather culinary and wild greens olive oil

    pau d’arco non-tumor cancer primary herb for candida

    sassafras rich in tannins, very drying

    red clover - chronic bronchial problems
    esp. young children
    very rich in trace minerals
    bloods thinners

    echinacea, lymphatic system = mullein

    cold pressed oils only

    cold sore, essential oils of licorice, clove, lemon balm

    let go

    12:41am 30/05/2002
    mood: ecstatic
    I'm going to a concert tomorrow!!! RASfuckingPUTINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Be jealous, be VERY jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    let go

    12:00am 30/05/2002
      I was so excited
    But for now I feel like nothing

    let go

    12:00am 06/05/2002
      I just found out, there’s no such thing as the real world. Just a lie you have to rise above. – John Mayer  

    let go

    07:28pm 27/04/2002
      Sifl and Olly - United States of Whatever  

    let go

    you leave me...   
    01:23pm 27/04/2002
    mood: sad
    I have decided to take a break from journal writing. Or at least Livejournal writing. I'll be back on the 27th of May.

    7 found beauty in the breakdownlet go

    09:45pm 25/04/2002
    mood: sore
    Sheryl Crow is going to be on Leno tonight, with LIZ PHAIR.

    let go

    now say my name come on   
    01:33am 22/04/2002
    mood: pleased
    Olympus Camedia Digital camera C-3020 Zoom

    In my hands. :D

    Happy birthday Lauren!

    RIP Layne Staley

    3 found beauty in the breakdownlet go

    12:51am 19/04/2002
    mood: dizzy

    3 found beauty in the breakdownlet go

    12:10am 12/04/2002
    mood: spazzy
    I want to write about one of my very good friends. Her name is Naomi and she is so fucking awesome. She's tiny, I wish Iwas tiny. Yes I do, being short is something I want to be damnitt!!!! She's smart, and funny. She has very sharp eyes, blue. She and my other friend Kendal are the only two blue-eyed people I trust. I trust Naomi. It's true. Why? Because she's trustworthy AND supportive. Unlike some people who are suportive, but not trustworthy, or vise versa. She has the same sens of humor as me, I almost NEVER have to explain what the hell I am tallking about. She knows how to play the saxaphone and she isn't afraid to sing in front of people, ALL THE FUCKING TIME. She hasn't killed me for being a jack-ass. Which you'd think she would since I pretty much talk out of my ass 24/7. And she does know how to kick someones ass using this form of martial arts called krav-maga. How fucking elite is that?!!! She's been cool when I've been down and helped me out. I wish I could help her, but I don't really know how. She doesn't even vetch when my cats crawl all over her. She looks out for me. Way back when, when Henry told me he loved me for the first time, she smiled, said, "Aw, I am so happy for you," then hugged me. And it was geniune. She has an N*Sync Cd and I have no need to make fun of her for it. I don't know for sure, but I think Naomi and I are going to be friends for a really long time. As opposed to to some people whom I've considered "friends" and have walked off the face of the planet. So anyway, I'm ultra-grateful/awed b=her and I also love her muchly. To pieces really.

    let go

    07:35pm 09/04/2002
    mood: pleased
    On Friday I bought this ultra-shway CD called, 12 Tales. It has 12 faery tales written by Rasputinas Malora Craeger. Go Hot Topic!

    3 found beauty in the breakdownlet go